Sunday, July 5, 2009

An Angel on My Shoulder

Having worked in the medical field for many years, I have witnessed a lot of final goodbyes and heartache. On February 22, 2006 I said my final farewell to my little sister, Mary. I prayed that she would survive until my return the next day but it wasn’t meant to be. Mary passed away on February 23, 2006.

Our Last Moments Together

I lift her hand and squeeze gently. It’s so cold and swollen ~
I glance at her legs, motionless, her energetic stride halted
The mechanical sounds echo throughout the room
Overhead screens displaying pressures, vital signs, ECG tracings
The hissing sound of the humidifier fills the quiet.
A multitude of IV and CVP lines intertwined around her neck, arms and right leg.

Are you in pain Mary?
I want so much to lift your suffering but I do not have the strength
I look down at her once gentle face and find my worst nightmare
Can she hear me?
A single tear ~ is that a body reflex or is she crying inside?
I cannot embrace my sweet Mary for the alarms command distance
Her mouth slightly open with her tongue framing the plastic endotracheal tube
Unnatural intrusions but necessary to maintain her precious life
Her body twitches ~ is she in pain?
Oh God, please take her mind to a quiet place where she can escape any discomfort
Do not let fear find her gentle soul.

It’s time to leave Mary.
I do not want to go.
I do not want to release my hold.
Do you know that I’m leaving?
Are you afraid to be alone?
Did you just squeeze my hand or am I just wishing it so?
Oh Mary ~ let’s go back to those carefree days
Let me see your loving smile and feel your gentle embrace again
Good night sweet Mary
Do not leave me in the night for I promise to return tomorrow.

My tears brush her hand as I kiss her good night
I’m leaving my heart and soul with you dear Mary
Sleep well dearest sister. I love you!

Hold on Mary! Hold on!
I promise I’ll never stop believing.

Mary passed away Feb. 23, 2006
and a part of me died with her.

I find solace in her music ~ I remember her playful nature
She had such a positive spirit. I miss her daily calls.
I long for her carefree nature.
Oh Mary ~ Hold me now!

Love your big sister ~ always and forever!
Oh how I miss you!
Goodbye for now my beautiful little rose.

Catalogue of Music

Mary is an Angel who touched many with her music and gentle soul.

Quote from mp3 Unsigned
"She left behind her a beautiful catalogue of music that you can view via the link at the bottom of this page, and a community that is deeply saddened as a result of our loss. That sadness will always remain with us, and the community will never be the same for it. But at the same time we may take this opportunity to celebrate Mary's work, and the positive effect that she had on so many of us."

Sit back and let Mary take you to a peaceful place ~ Listen to an Angel sing!

Life is so precious! Cherish yours and take a moment to tell the ones you love just how special they are to you. Tomorrow may be too late.

Love Susan xo


  1. That is very beautiful, Susan. I think Mary would be honored by this dedication.

    Anne ^i^